Intrepidblackwoman and I host a Salon at our house once a month. The last topic was entitled, "The Utility of Marriage," and led to great discussion. We followed up the discussion with an email to the folks that were not able to participate, but wanted to know about the day.
Hello all:
Quite a few folks who did not make the utility of marriage salon have asked for details about the discussion, so we are going to try to oblige.
There were some broad themes that ran through the day:
For those gathered that day, the narrative of marriage - i.e. romantic, love-driven marriage - is not what is going on. There was a recognition that a large part of marriage is a business and its utility is as a vehicle for organizing property, managing children and ordering one's life. Inasmuch, exchanging credit reports and medical records before marriage makes sense.
A majority of us thought that nationally the part of the marriage narrative that assumes a man and a woman is coming to an end. As one of us put it, the actuarial tables will take care of the pitchfork wavers who oppose same sex marriages. This fight for equality and dignity is be no means over, but most of us felt that the ball is rolling down hill—same sex marriages are legal in 4 states!
The thing that sticks in our minds the most is a statistic that one of the participants shared, that marriage men are three times less likely to commit murder. This sobering statistic was followed this up by someone else sharing that championship basketball teams have more married men on them. I did a little research and found that married men live longer, are healthier, visit the doctor more, and make more money. So the utility of marriage for men is clear---CIVILIZATION.
After the Salon, I got an email of a terribly interesting website that goes into the various sort of marriages that are recognized by the Bible. There was also a Catholic marriage rite for two men
Lastly on this topic, there are studies that suggest that married people (at least loving couples/people) are connected on a subatomic level. The utility of this is that your partner can help heal you with their thoughts. This we believe to be true.
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2 comments:
IBM,
Thanks for your post on marriage. I am a single Intrepid Black Woman who has a vision of marrying one day and having at least one child. I am still trying to figure out what kind of marriage would work for me. I used to romanticize the notion but am beginning to realize the rigors of such a union. Your words have given me more food for thought, but ultimately I think we all need to figure out what works for us.
Hi there!
I am glad that you are having this discussion. Recently, I led a group discussion at my blog, "The Intersectionality of Strategic Marriage and Power" and posited that black women do not strategically select their marital partners and usually lean towards childhood fantasies of love and romance.
I mentioned in the discussion that black women who consider the socioeconomic mobility of their prospective partners are labeled "gold diggers" while Asian women and white women do this out of a sense of personal responsibility. Men still out-earn women in this country and we are still living in a patriarchal societal infrastructure. However, black women are not supposed to take this into account when choosing their partners? I certainly welcome you to the table to share!
Thanks for this relevant and timely discussion at your blog!
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
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